The Safest Place - February 18th

Our focus this month has been on strengthening marriages. The principles we have learned can be applied in all relationships. Tonight our goal was to learn how to make our marriages the safest place on earth for our spouse. To kick off, we watched a short clip from Princess Bride on "Mawridge."

Then we looked at Ephesians 4:29-32 and made observations about how we are to treat each other in relationship, especially in marriage: "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you."

We quickly reacted to and formed opinions on the picture above and realized we are very quick to form opinions and judge based on first impressions. We often slide into treating badly the ones we love the most. The same common courtesy and consideration we show to strangers or acquaintances, we often neglect to show our own spouse.

What makes for a safe place? A place where each spouse can share and express themselves without fear of: judgement, blaming, not being heard, rejection of feelings, rejection by body language or tone of voice, too quick and one sided solution forced on them, and becoming the enemy not the partner in meeting the challenge.

The Bucks were good sports and demostrated the "Trust Fall," as an illustration of the trust that must be there in a marriage, to know that my spouse will safely catch me. That level of vulnerability with each other is where becoming "one" is truly acheived.

We would love to give a "Chill Pill" like we saw in the video, but want to avoid the side effect of the bacon like body odor!? But we know that to make our relationship safe, we have to "be proactive for them, not reactive to them." Biblically, a married couple is one flesh. So if one hurts, the other hurts. If one is happy the other is happy. If one lashes out at the other, he or she is lashing at themselves. Then nobody wins, even if one feels they have "won."

We ended with a discussion of how to make each of the six levels of conversation (communication) safe:

1. small talk
2. facts
3. opinions
4. feelings
5. needs
6. beliefs