ParentZone January 28, 2009

We first looked at the world around us in regards to parenting. Are parents too permissive or too strict?


Then we made some observations from the Bible:


The rod of correction imparts wisdom, but a child left to himself disgraces his mother.
Discipline your son, and he will give you peace; he will bring delight to your soul.

Proverbs 29:15,17 (NIV)

Then we reviewed our basic diagram based on Ephesians 6:1-2 about how to keep our children in God's safe zone before watching a child get into the danger zone in the hilarious video Baptism Cannonball.

After which we dealt with the basics of spanking as a part of the discipline of our children. We established that it is always to be in conjunction with a lifestyle of rich communication with our child as we studied last week.

What spanking is NOT...

1. An act of anger or frustration
2. Public display or spectacle
3. For childish behavior

What spanking is...

1. Act of trust in God's ways
2. Parent's responsibility
3. Sets stage for obeying God

Words to accompany it...

1. Reassure them of your love and that is not because of anger
2. Restate clearly what they did wrong and that it was against God
3. Acknowledgement and repentance from the child
4. After the spanking, reassure them of your unconditional love and hold them close

Especially effective in preschool and elementary years.

If you do not have rich communication with your child, then you have no ground for using spanking.

A Full Deck

January 21st Family FX

January has been focused on discipline.

Tonight we dealt we had fun talking to each other about the joys of parenting with all its funny, challenging and rewarding moments. Responding appropriately to our child in parenting is very important. If you over react it could cause insecurity in your child. If you under react, you could fail to stop wrong attitudes, habits and behaviors.

The Bible has many references on tailoring our responses to the person (child):

And we urge you, brothers, warn those who are idle, encourage the timid, help the weak, be patient with everyone. 1 Thessalonians 5:14 (NIV)

All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, 2 Timothy 3:16 (NIV)

We also had fun watching an over reaction in the Reebok Super Bowl Commercial from 2003: "Terry Tate - Office Linebacker".

Then we went over the eight biblical responses we can use in parenting in the form of a deck of cards. To parent with a "full deck" we need to become masters at matching the response to the situation.

1. Encouragement: When your child knows he is wrong, and/or realizes he is powerless to change his own personality.

2. Correction: When your child is doing wrong, but does not realize it.

3. Rebuke: When you need to express your shock or dismay at your child’s behavior to impress how wrong it is.

4. Entreaty: (Pleading Intently) —When your child needs to understand about very serious subjects that have dire consequences.

5. Instruction: When you know your child does not know how to handle a situation and you need to give her guidance in advance on how to respond.

6. Warnings: When you know that your child soon will face pitfalls in life, you teach him biblical admonitions.

7. Teaching: When appropriate during the day’s activities and also in structured times, you help your child grow in knowledge about God, the Bible, life, relationships, and the world.

8. Prayer: In the times of praying together, your child can hear your concerns before God and you can hear theirs.

Our accountability challenge this week is to keep your "full deck" ready and play the right response. Be ready to celebrate next week how God worked through you to shape the heart and behavior of your child.

ParentZone for Wednesday, January 14

In January our focus will be on Discipline
Tonight's focus is on How God disciplines us and how that impacts our parenting.


Hebrews 12:5-11 (New International Version)

And you have forgotten that word of encouragement that addresses you as sons:


"My son, do not make light of the Lord's discipline,
and do not lose heart when he rebukes you,
6because the Lord disciplines those he loves,
and he punishes everyone he accepts as a son."


Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live! Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.


Although the context of these verses are to encourage believers that are going through hardships, it yields a great deal of insight into relationship of a parent and child concerning discipline.


Last week we talked about the ultimate weapon in parenting and in particular disciplining your child is PRAYER. This week we look at the ULTIMATE PARENT God and how He relates to us. As God's agents in authority over our children, we need to emulate his love in many ways - including expressing it in discipline.


Ulimate end: A child who grows into an adult who loves God and others, leads a fruitful life that expands the kingdom of God. It also leads to a peaceful home that is characterized by children who have been trained to obey without complaint, excuse or delay.


Ultimate poise: A child who knows what is expected and what the consequences of not doing the right thing. A child who knows that his parent will not use emotional ploys, yelling, manipulation or other forms of manipulation to control them.


Ultimate expression: A child who has no question as to whether their parent unconditionally loves them, even when they have to receive discipline.

We had fun learning from Bob Newhart how to just "Stop It!" However, we decided to let our Bible passage change our parenting. We each thought of a action to do this week to be more like God in our parenting. Can't wait to hear what God does in our parenting as we apply His Word this week!

See you next Wednesday.

Yours in Christ,
Doug Bedgood

Family FX ParentZone for January 7

In January our focus will be on Discipline

Today's Study - A Christian Parent's Secret Weapon in Discipline: Prayer

"God has not called you to be the perfect parent. Yet, He has called you to be a praying parent." Dr. Kevin Meador

You are not going to be 100% perfect in parenting - God, the perfect parent, by His grace changes your child from the inside out as you pray for them.

Although God still is calling you to function as His agent in disciplining your child, you should be totally dependent on Him to see true heart change in your child. Prayer is the "Declaration of Dependence."

Cosmic Struggle enters Family Realm

Ephesians 6:

vss. 1-4 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. "Honor your father and mother"—which is the first commandment with a promise— "that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth." Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

vs. 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

vs. 18 And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.

Goal: See my child's character, heart and behavior change from developing specific prayers for my child.

• Make a list - What character traits, heart and behavior changes do I believe God would have in my child?
• Add power of the Word - What Scripture can I pray over my child as seek these things from God?
• Take the Challenge - Write out a prayer for your child to commit to pray each day for three weeks and keep a record of what God does.